


somebody else

by nirvanabrook



Series: somewhere only we know [2]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, During Canon, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Love, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Queer Themes, Slow Burn, charlie deserves the mf WORLD on god, he DOES get the boy tho ;), i love them so fucking much on god, knox does NOT get the girl fuck that, knox is a dumbass on god, some internalized homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23609323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirvanabrook/pseuds/nirvanabrook
Summary: Charlie started to get fed up with Knox. Chris said no, and she had a boyfriend, so why was he still going after her? Charlie was tired of seeing the guy he liked go after someone he shouldn't have even though he was RIGHT THERE. He just didn't know how tell him.
Relationships: Charlie Dalton/Knox Overstreet, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry, they're all the bestest friends too
Series: somewhere only we know [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699393
Comments: 2
Kudos: 76





	somebody else

**Author's Note:**

> knox getting the girl at the end of dps is the worst thing abt the movie and knarlie SLAPS and they're both bisexual so i had to write this. takes place after and is connected to my last fic so if you wanna, you should read that first. but its not like needed for you to read that before.
> 
> a lot of this will have stuff they said in the actual movie/script, but a lot of it will be changed, too.
> 
> tw for q slur and some homophobia (mostly internalized)

The boys all sat in the cave where they had their Dead Poets Society meetings. Charlie just finished playing the saxophone, calling it "sonorous". Knox jumped up.

"I can't take it anymore," he said. "If I don't have Chris, I'm gonna kill myself." The boys all stared at him. Neil pretended like that comment didn't bother him. 

"Knoxious, you gotta calm down," replied Charlie. It was stupid. Why was he being this way over one girl? He knew Knox was a hopeless romantic, but he had to know there were other girls out there. Or boys. Like Charlie.

He held back an eye roll.

"No, Charlie," said Knox. "That's my problem. I've been calm all my life. I'll do something about that." 

"What are you gonna do?" Neil asked.

"I'm gonna call her," Knox replied. He got out of the cave with a chuckle. The other boys proceeded to grab their coats and follow after him.

"Jesus Christ," Charlie muttered under his breath. He hoped that nobody had heard him, but Neil looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Charlie looked back at him with a deadpan expression. Neil placed a hand on his shoulder and walked out of the cave. They knew how to talk without talking. That's what happens when you know someone for so long (they've known each other since fourth grade). You learn how to communicate just by looking at each other. They started doing that a lot recently. 

They walked back to the school, Charlie behind everyone just like when they walked to the cave. Neil started to walk slower to line up with him. 

"You seem upset," Neil said quietly as if it wasn't obvious. Charlie let out a laugh.

"I don't know why you would think that," he replied. He had a habit of not telling his emotions. He was the Funny Guy, he couldn't be serious and tell his friends how he felt. No.

"You like Knox." They were quiet when talking and a little bit behind the group so the rest wouldn't hear. 

"I don't know why you would think that," Charlie repeated in the same expressionless tone.

"Charlie." He turned to Neil and grinned. He stopped grinning when Neil didn't switch his reluctant expression. 

"Yes, I do like him, and yes I'm upset, but I'm fine, Neil. Can we drop it?"

"Okay," said Neil. They walked a little faster. In silence. Until Neil added, "You could've told me, you know?" Charlie just shrugged.

"I felt like not telling would've made me get over him faster," Charlie replied. "Plus, what's the point if I already know he wouldn't like me back?"

"It's possible. Todd liked _me_ back." Charlie just laughed.

"I mean, yeah, there's that rare occasion, but you see how whipped he is for Chris?" He knew that Knox could've liked both girls and boys. Charlie felt that way. He was attracted to any gender. But, something told him that Knox only liked girls; and only Chris for that matter. 

"But he-"

"I thought we dropped it, Neil." Neil went silent.

The boys all entered the school quietly. Knox walked to the closest payphone, and the boys followed. He put in a coin, dialed a number, and put the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" said a voice on the other end. It was Chris. Knox quickly hung up the phone.

"She's gonna hate me," he panicked. "The Danburry's are gonna hate me. My parents will kill me." He paused for a moment. No one said anything. "All right, goddamnit. You're right. _'Carpe diem'._ Even if it kills me."

Charlie wondered why he liked someone so dramatic. He smiled and let out a small laugh out of exasperation. 

Knox put in another coin and called Chris again.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hello, Chris?"

"Yes." Knox smiled.

"Hi. This is Knox Overstreet." Everyone watched as he talked on the phone.

"Oh, yes. Knox. I'm glad you called," Chris said. Knox pulled the phone from his ear slightly and covered it with his hand.

"She's glad I called!" A few of the boys smiled. Charlie didn't. He knew he should be supportive of one of his best friends' crushes, but he just couldn't be. 

"Listen, Chet's parents are out of town this weekend, so he's having a party. Would you like to come?" 

"Would I like to come to a party?" Knox asked.

"Yes. Say yes," said Meeks. 

"Friday? Um-" Chris added. 

"Well, sure," replied Knox.

"About seven?" 

"Okay, great! I-I'll be there, Chris."

"Okay." 

"Friday night at the Danburrys'. O-Okay. Thank you." 

"Okay. Bye." 

"Thank you. I'll see you. Bye." He hung up the phone and grinned like a madman. "Yawp! Can you believe it? She was gonna call me. She was gonna invite me to a party with her." Charlie stared at him with a stolid expression. 

"At Chet Danburry's house," he stated. 

"Yeah," replied Knox. He was beaming with happiness.

"Well?" 

"So?"

"So, you don't really think she means you're going with her?" Charlie hoped the jealousy didn't drip from his voice. Neil looked at him sympathetically. 

"Well, of course not, Charlie," replied Knox. "But that's not the point. That's not the point at all." Charlie was so close to rolling his eyes. Who was this guy? The rest of the boys looked at each other in confusion as the two argued. 

"Well, what is the point?" 

"The point, Charlie, is-"

"Yeah?" He knew that he shouldn't be pissed off. Knox was just excited and really like Chris, just as Charlie liked him. But he _was_. Knox was going after a girl that had a boyfriend when he could after someone that didn't. Someone that actually liked him like that. 

"-that she was thinking about me. I've only met her once, and she's already thinking of me. Damn it. It's gonna happen, guys. I can feel it. She is going to be mine. Carpe. Carpe!" He flips his scarf dramatically and runs up the stairs. The rest followed behind. Charlie and Neil walked side-by-side again. 

"Ar-" Neil started to say.

"Don't. It's fine," Charlie interrupted. "I'm fine. I'm happy for him." He was lying, but what was he going to do? He smiled at Neil. Neil nodded and then ran up to Todd. Charlie smiled at the two lovebirds. He never told anyone about them. He kept his word, as he was supposed to. He was a little jealous of them, though. They were in love with each other, and it could be seen even when they couldn't show affection towards each other. They were just so good for each other.

He knew he had to get over Knox. He had to. 

-

Neil knocked on the door to Charlie and Cameron's room. It was the day after Knox called Chris on the phone.

"Come in!" shouted Charlie, who was laying on his bed with a cigarette between his fingers. Neil entered. Unlike Charlie, he knew how to knock before entering someone's room. He jokingly said that to Charlie once. 

_"I'm sorry, okay," replied Charlie. "I knock now. I learned my lesson." They both laughed._

_"I'm glad you know, though. Now I have someone to talk to about it." Charlie smiled in response._

"Hey," Neil said. "Where's Cameron?" Charlie snorted. 

"Why the hell should I know?"

"Because he's your roommate, Charlie."

"Sadly," he replied with a laugh. He fucking hated Cameron. Neil, Meeks, and Pitts tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Knox didn't really like him, but he was fine with him. Todd was the only other person that even remotely hated him as much as Charlie did. "Did you want something?"

"Just wanted to talk." He sat down at Charlie's desk.

"About?" _Please don't be about Knox,_ Charlie thought. _I swear to God if it's about Knox._

"You seemed upset last night," said Neil. Charlie groaned.

"Neil, I said I'm fine," he protested.

"I know what you said, Charlie, but I don't believe you." Sometimes Charlie wished he didn't have such good friends because he hated talking about his feelings. But his friends always asked him how he felt. He usually got away with lying, but sometimes this happened instead.

"That's my problem, Neil." 

"You can't get mad at him for this. You know that, right?" Neil told him sympathetically. Charlie dropped the smirk that had been on his face.

"I know. And I'm trying not to be." He threw the cigarette on the floor and quickly stomped it out with his show. Now, he was sitting over the edge of his bed. He looked at Neil. "It's just... It sucks when you like someone, like you're fucking _crazy_ about them, and they feel that same way about someone else and not you. It really sucks, Neil."

"I know it does, Charlie, but it's not gonna help if you're mad at him."

"I know." They just sat there in silence. It was uncomfortable. "How the fuck did you and Todd get together?" Neil smiled.

"I don't even know," he said. "I think we just kinda... _knew._ " Charlie scoffed.

"I think Knox is too oblivious to just _know_." Neil laughed and nodded. "I can't make it obvious, either, for obvious reasons, so I'm kinda screwed. I wish Knox was a girl. Or that I was a girl. Or _something._ "

"You'll find someone, Charlie," replied Neil. Charlie knew he meant it, but he still questioned it. What if he doesn't find someone? What if he dies alone? It was almost as if Neil could read his thoughts because he said, "You will. And you'll always have us." He got up and started to walk out.

"Thanks, Neil," Charlie said to him. Neil nodded before closing the door. 

Charlie sighed.

-

Another Dead Poets Society meeting happened the same night of the party, so Knox wasn't there. Charlie wasn't either, which was weird, but they started without him. 

"'To live deep and suck out all the marrow of life. To put to rout all that was not life,'" they quoted. They heard laughter; female laughter. 

"Oh my God," exclaimed Cameron. 

"Is this it?" a girl said.

"Yeah, this is it," Charlie replied. "Go ahead, go on in. It's my cave. Watch your step."

"We're not gonna slip, are we?" asked another girl. The other boys all looked at each other as the first girl entered. They all put their flashlights on her, and the second girl entered.

"Hi," said the first. Meeks stands up and hits his head against the ceiling. 

"Hello," he replied. 

"Hello," the girl said.

"Hi, you guys. Meet Gloria and-" Charlie motioned to the first girl.

"Tina," the second girl interrupted.

"Tina," he said. He smiled. "This is the pledge class of the Dead Poets Society." The others went into a roar of hellos and 'how are you's. The girls said hi back. Then, Charlie told the boys to move over and make room so they could sit down. 

"Guys, I have an announcement to make," he declared. "In keeping with the spirit of passionate experimentation of the Dead Poets, I'm giving up the name Charlie Dalton. From now on, call me Nuwanda." They all looked at each other. 

"Nuwanda?" Pitts laughed out. 

"Nuwanda?" questioned Neil. He knew this was an act. He knew that this was an attempt at getting over Knox. He shook his head.

"Don't laugh, _Pittsie_ ," Charlie said. Pitts shook his head. Everyone looked around at each other without saying anything. "Well, we gonna have a meeting or what?"

"Yeah. If you guys don't have a meeting, how do we know if we wanna join?" asked Gloria.

"Join?" Neil said in bewilderment. Charlie was taking it too far. There were better ways to get over Knox. 

Charlie leans over to Tina and recites a poem from Shakespeare. He takes credit for it which causes the boys to laugh and Cameron to shake his head. He does the same thing for Gloria, this time reciting a poem by George Gordon. 

They talk more and read more poems. Tina passes around alcohol. Then, Meeks and Pitts start talking about their hi-fi system and Yale. Neil kept looking at Charlie. Charlie didn't want to look at him though. He felt ashamed. He felt ashamed to be doing this; he felt ashamed to be liking Knox, or any boy for that matter; he felt _ashamed._ But, he continued to put on an act. He knew he would marry a nice woman and they'd have a family and it'd be fine. No one had to know he ever liked boys other than Neil/

"Don't you guys miss having girls around here?" Gloria asked. Meeks and Pitts both smiled.

"Yeah," they said with smiles.

"That's part of what this club is about," Charlie replied. He then announced that he published an article in the school paper in the name of the Dead Poets that demanded girls be admitted to Welton. They all protested. "Are we just playing around out here, or do we mean what we say? For all we do is sit around and read a bunch of poems to each other, what the hell are we doing?"

"All right, but you still shouldn't have done it, Charlie," Neil spoke up. Charlie looked at him for the first time all night. "This could mean trouble. You don't speak for the club."

"Hey, would you not worry about your precious little neck? If they catch me, I'll tell them I made it up." Neil believed that. He knew Charlie meant it. He was still upset, though. He wished Charlie didn't do all of this. 

"Okay." 

-

Charlie pretended not to be upset at Knox when he came back from Chris's school. He was a very bad pretender. 

"I read it to her," Knox said. The rest of the boys get excited. 

"What'd she say?" asked Pitts.

"Nothing."  
  
  


"Nothing? What do you mean nothing?" Charlie said. This was stupid. 

"Nothing. But I did it," replied Knox. Charlie scoffed. "Carpe diem!" He looked at Charlie with a smile, but Charlie wasn't smiling back. He furrowed his eyebrows. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He faked a smile. "It's cool that you told her." Knox shook his head. 

"Uh, we're gonna... go back to our dorms," Neil said awkwardly. He gestured for everyone to walk away, and everyone did. Neil looked at Charlie sympathetically, telling him that it was going to be okay with just his expression. Charlie gave a small, half-assed smile. Then, Neil walked next to Todd back to their room.

"Something's up with you, Charlie," said Knox. Charlie didn't even correct the name.

"What do you mean?" he replied with an awkward laugh.

"You've been, like, angry with me or something, and I don't know why," Knox told him. "Can you tell me what I did?" Charlie shook his head and shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers.

"I'm not mad at you, Knox." He wasn't lying, at least not fully. He was mostly just upset and mad at himself. He really was being harsh to Knox for no reason other than he couldn't handle his own feelings. He couldn't help it, though.

"Then what's wrong? Don't tell me there isn't anything wrong because that's bullshit, Charlie."

"I-" He hesitated. "Can we not talk about this here? Right now?" He didn't want to talk about it. He was perfectly fine with keeping his emotions from everyone else.

"Fine, we'll talk in your room," Knox said. Usually, Charlie would smirk at that as if it were an innuendo, but not this time. 

"Cameron's probably in there," replied Charlie. Knox snorted.

"As if you haven't kicked him out before." Charlie sighed. There was no escaping it. There was no escaping the conversation where Charlie might accidentally let out that he likes Knox; that he likes boys; that he was a freak. He was supposed to be the one that was all for not being normal and standing up against The Man and what society believes in. But it was hard. It was hard when everything could be ruined for somebody because of who they loved. Fuck that.

"Fine, okay." They walked down the hall. Charlie had his head down while walking instead of his normal cocky stride. Knox kept looking at him. They got to his dorm, and Charlie opened the door. The room was empty. 

"Cool," Knox said. They walked in and Charlie closed the door behind them. Charlie sat down nervously on his bed, and Knox sat down next to him. They sat really close. Charlie's hands felt clammy in his jacket pockets. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and put one between his teeth. He lit it. He leaned back against the wall with his usual cool nonchalance. Knox saw through the act. "So?"

"So?" Charlie responded. He blew out smoke. 

"Talk to me, Charlie," said Knox. "Is this about Chris? Do you not like her? What is it?" _How can someone so cute be so oblivious_ , Charlie thought.

"I don't have any opinion on her," he replied. He didn't drop his coolness act. "I don't know her." He hesitated for a moment, thinking about if he really wanted to say the words he was planning to say. "Just like you don't."

Knox was taken aback by that comment. He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't find the words. 

"You're going through all of this for a girl you barely know that has a _boyfriend_ , Knox," Charlie continued. "I know she's probably cute and nice and whatever, but you don't know her. You can't be in love with if you don't even know-"

"Are you jealous? Do... Do you like her or something?" Knox was pissed off. 

"You're half right." His face dropped. Shit. Fuck! Why did he say that? _Shit, shit, shit._ He immediately regretted what he said.

"What?" Knox said in exasperation. "You like... You like Chris?" Charlie laughed. He had a crush on such an _idiot._

"I swear to God, Knox," he said. "You're truly a dumbass." He knew it wasn't a usual thing for a guy to have a crush on another guy, but after while they would have figured it out, whether they agreed with it or not.

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Knox with frustration. 

"I don't know have a crush on Chris," Charlie laughed. 

"You're jealous? Why the hell are you j-" He stopped speaking as the realization hit. "Oh. Wow. Wow, okay." Charlie hid his bright red face in his hands.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Knox shook his head.

"You're fine," he replied quietly. They sat there silently. It was awkward and uncomfortable. Charlie sighed and lifted his head from his hand, but he refused to look at Knox. "Charlie?"

"What?" He still didn't look at him. 

"Charlie." Knox felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. Charlie reluctantly looked at him. They stared at each other for a second before Knox cupped Charlie's face and kissed him. He was kissing Charlie Dalton, and Charlie was kissing him back.

Charlie pulled away. 

"What the _fuck_ was that, Knoxious?" he exclaimed. A big grin was on his flushed face. 

"I... I tried convincing myself that I was in love with Chris to distract myself from the fact that-"

"That you're utterly in _love_ with the sexiest man to ever walk the earth?" Charlie interrupted. Knox laughed. 

"Sure," he said. Charlie kissed him again. They kissed longer and more intensely this time. Charlie thought about what would happen if Cameron walked in right now and saw them, two boys, kissing each other. He knew that Cameron would snitch on them. He would gasp and probably call them queers and then he'd tell everyone about it, tell Nolan about it. Charlie wondered what the punishment for that would be.

He managed to push the thoughts in the back of his mind and thought about how _he was kissing Knox Overstreet._ He was kissing the guy he had liked for so long. Knox pulled away and stared at him. They both wore ginormous grins.

"Knoxious, you don't know how long I've wanted to do that," said Charlie. He was out of breath. He felt a tear escape from his eyes and roll down his cheek. He hugged Knox. He hugged him so tight.

He had liked Knox since sophomore year-maybe even since freshman year, but he was too busy trying to figure out that he even liked boys to realize-and he managed to keep it hidden and unknown then. His little crush went away during the summer between sophomore and junior year (aka the current year), but as soon as he saw Knox again on the first day of school, those feelings immediately returned. 

"You okay?" Knox asked. 

"I'm fucking great," Charlie replied. 

And he meant it. 

He couldn't wait to tell Neil about this one. 

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like this is kinda long but i went on a bit of a grind at the end. i know there's a lot of stuff from the script but i wanted to base it off canon and then change a few things. i hope you liked it tho. i uhh self projected a lot more than i meant to tbh lmao so im sorry if its ooc. i hope yall liked it.
> 
> if you wanna you can follow me on twitter where i tweet a lot abt dps @nirvanabrook2.


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